Shocking Body-Image News: 97% of Women Will Be Cruel to Their Bodies Today
Read these words: “You are a fat, worthless pig.” “You’re too thin. No man is ever going to want you.” “Ugly. Big. Gross.” Horrifying comments on some awful website? The rant of an abusive, controlling boyfriend? No; shockingly, these are the actual words young women are saying to themselves on any typical day. For some, such thoughts are fleeting, but for others, this dialogue plays on a constant, punishing loop, according to a new exclusive Glamour survey of more than 300 women of all sizes. Our research found that, on average, women have 13 negative body thoughts daily—nearly one for every waking hour. And a disturbing number of women confess to having 35, 50 or even 100 hateful thoughts about their own shapes each day.…Hope for Real Change
Not convinced you can stop the snark? Wood-Barcalow thinks you can. She recently conducted one of the few studies of young women with good body image—and was surprised to discover that 80 percent of them had struggled with negative body thoughts earlier in their life. “The fact that they were able to boost themselves up is proof that it’s possible for all women to adopt a better outlook on their body.” Here, seven ways to do just that:
1. Rewire your brain. If you know that constantly thinking negatively about your body teaches your brain to focus on the bad stuff, why not flip the script? “It’s absolutely possible to create neural pathways that favor affirming thoughts,” says Kearney-Cooke. She suggests keeping a pen handy to note things you do that make you feel good about your body. “One of my patients is doing this, and she came in so excited to tell me, ‘Look at my list now: It’s so big!’ Doing this puts positive stuff front-of-mind and starts becoming instinctive.”
2. Ask yourself: Is this really about my body? Or am I trying to distract myself from being upset with someone or something else? This is another exercise Kearney-Cooke does with women. “I had a patient who came in and lamented, ‘My body is disgusting today!’ After she stopped to think about it for a minute, she realized it wasn’t about her body at all. She admitted she got drunk the night before and was embarrassed about it. That’s the issue she needs to address—drinking too much—not the size of her butt.”
3. Exercise! Survey respondents who worked out regularly tended to report fewer harsh thoughts than those who didn’t. And it’s not just that being physically active improves your shape and health; it actually boosts your mind-set, too. One new study found that women felt better about themselves after exercising even when their bodies didn’t change, suggesting that the feeling of “That was challenging, and I did it!” played a bigger role than weight loss in boosting body image. “Hitting the gym or horseback riding makes me feel like a fitness rock star. It’s the biggest confidence booster for me,” says Margo Short, 22, of Dallas, who counted four negative thoughts—about two-thirds fewer than the average respondent. (For a workout you can do at home, click here.)
4. Say “stop!”—literally, that word—when your mind goes all negative. “Just imagine a giant screaming stop sign,” says Kearney-Cooke. Emily Catalano, 22, of Boston, who logged just three bad body thoughts, does this: “It’s funny, but it really does shut up that negative voice and clears my head.”
5. Remind yourself that obsessing about what you eat or look like doesn’t make you look any better. Bedford’s study found that young women who obsess over their diet don’t actually weigh less than those who generally eat what they want. “Some women look at a brownie and think: Ooh, that looks good, but brownies are ‘bad’. I wonder how many calories are in that? Maybe I could just have a teeny bite, and on and on. A woman with a healthier relationship with food would either eat the brownie, or not, and be done,” explains Bedford. At the end of the day, both get the same number of calories. The message: Fretting over every bite gets you nowhere. Eating mindfully—enjoying food and putting your fork down before you get too full—feels better and works better.
6. Appreciate your body for what it does, rather than how it looks. In our survey, 55 percent of women had abusive thoughts about their overall weight or size; 43 percent said they targeted specific areas (the most berated: belly and thighs). “Next time you’re, say, cursing your wobbly arms, pause and think of their purpose—is it to make you feel bad? Or to let you hug your friends and enjoy life?” says Wood-Barcalow. It may seem a bit “Kumbaya,” but this mental tweak helped many respondents think less negatively. Jenni Schaefer, 34, of Austin, Texas, who reported only two bad body thoughts on the day in question, points to her ability to “be grateful that I can walk and that my body is healthy.”
7. Finally, play up your strengths. “Comparing yourself with others doesn’t help anything,” reminds Kearney-Cooke. “Focus on making the most of what you’ve got. Hold your head a little higher and walk a little taller: That attitude is absolutely magnetic.” Hear that? You’re magnetic. And don’t forget to tell yourself so, either. We all could use a few more compliments!
…The Real (Really Harsh) Things Women Think About Their Bodies
If a man talked this way to a woman, it would be considered relationship abuse. So why do we spew such venom at ourselves? Brace yourself and listen to the real thoughts of women Glamour surveyed.
“Fat-ass. Lazy bitch. I hate my thighs. I hate my stomach. I hate my arms.”
“Don’t eat that. You could probably use an eating disorder.”
“Your stomach is fat. That is why you are alone.”
“Oh my God, look at her waist and legs! We’re the same height. She looks like a model. I look like a lumpy sock.”
“You’re obese. All the pretty girls are size 2.”
“I can’t imagine anyone wanting to have sex with this.”
“Scrawny and messed up.”
“You’re bigger than her. Fatty.”
“Big nose, disgusting skin, bags under eyes, ugly feet, small breasts.”
“Please don’t let my size 00 coworker notice this huge gut I’ve been cultivating.”
“You look like an Oompa-Loompa.”
“Huge legs, fat stomach, not pretty enough to attract anyone, ugly in comparison to others.”
“I look disgusting with my cottage cheese legs and stretch-mark hips. Nasty. No one would want to touch me.”
“I’m ugly. Too skinny. Look sick.”
EARTH TO WOMEN: Stop this madness! We deserve better than this. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
Secrets of the 3% of Women Who Love Their Bodies
That’s the minuscule proportion of the women we surveyed who said they had no negative body thoughts the day they did our experiment. So what’s in their water?
“I struggled with my body image when I was younger. I’m of Bangladeshi descent, and when I was growing up, other girls were always thinner, blonder and more perfect and popular. I finally had this turning point where I actually decided to just give up. It sounds crazy, but I remember thinking I was so tired of trying to fit in and beating myself up and getting nowhere. I thought life couldn’t possibly get worse if I just gave up and decided to be myself. And you know what? I realized that there really was no change in my quality of life whether I was a little heavier or at the ‘perfect’ weight. I was still happy and successful and boys liked me and my friends loved me. Now I know what is healthy for me.”
—Tasneem Alam, 25, New York City“I want people around me who are positive. I had a boss once who actually used to make comments about my being small (I’m 5’1” and 100 pounds), saying, ‘Why are you wearing that? It makes you look even more like a toothpick.’ It took my coworkers’ assuring me that it wasn’t about me, but about how my boss felt about herself. Now, I’d still love to be taller and curvier. But you know what? Only so many women in the world can be Victoria’s Secret models. I have to appreciate myself the way I am.”
—Karen Hudson, 31, Moore, Okla.“I remind myself of what I have control over. For example, you can’t control the fact that things naturally get a little softer as you age, but you can feed your body healthy food and stay active. You can’t make your curly hair straight no matter how many irons you take to it, but you can have your stylist show you how to rock your natural texture. Taking ownership of your choices gives you power. I’m never going to look in the mirror and see a blond surfer girl, but neither is Christina Hendricks, Zooey Deschanel or Janelle Monae. Those are all stunning women who stand out because they aren’t trying to alter their true nature.”
—Marie-Gael Gray, 30, Athens, OhioThis was a truly depressing read.
If it was that easy I would’ve moved on by now.
